Have you ever walked in rain?

There was this once I was caught in the rainstorm. People think, yea yea dancing in the rain is nice, playing in the puddles are nice. True. But thunderstorms are NOT NICE. The rain pelts you such that it hurts, you cannot shield yourself because it comes from all directions.

It wasn't nice. Yet I like that warmth my body radiates against the cold rain. I like how I'm wet and it doesn't matter. I like how I feel close to God.

Dear world

I've come to this gradual realization. Focus, determination, discipline. These are things that I should strive to achieve yet have not. The thing is, to achieve this requires a two way communication- grace, and will.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my lack of discipline. I'm tempted by fun, by the supposed freedom of living as I please. But the truth is, discipline brings the greatest freedom, as paradoxical as it sounds.

SO

I'm actually really angry at you and at myself and Iamnothappy!!

WHY?? Why did I ever believe any of the lies you spin? Why is it you abuse the trust people place in you?? But then again, WHY DO I TRUST YOU??

You're a bleeding vampire thats what. The whole, oh-i-attract-my-prey concept.

Was i stupid? i saw you blatantly lie to me once and just dismissed it when really, it was a serious matter.

How can you be so fake? how can your actions so utterly contradict your words, what people think of you, what I thought of you?

AND OTHER THAN THAT I should be studying but I don't want to. I wanted to use my nice CD and play around with the physiology, but no, macbook clearly does not cater for physiology CDs.

I don't want to study. I don't want to study. I DON'T WANT TO STUDY.

I'm such a rebellious angsty 18 year old. OH MY MY did i just announce my age on the cybernet. COME STALK ME.

I do not want to think of all this. It is most unapt.

I feel like a tantrum or a cry. eenie meenie minie. Spoil it, spoil it all.

Footprint. STOMP.

I absolutely don't know how to talk to you. But I don't have to.

And actually, I don't even know what I want. If I don't study, then what would I do? If I do study, I can't focus. I don't even know why I'm studying what I'm studying, there appears to be no apparent purpose for learning all this physiology.

I'm on the verge of a psychological breakdown in the most lenient of sense.

Betcha never saw this side of me now huh world. HAIYAH! *karate kick*

ARCHITECTURE?

REALLY?

Maybe.

Musto be.

We'll see.

You're wrong

Its not that it doesn't exist. Its that it doesn't exist anymore.

There's a marked difference. Like fire- can be sparked, can fizzle out. Its existence is really not the matter, its the mark it leaves behind.

why

do you play me on a string? WHY.

Carol Ong's prayer

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me bring your love,
Where there is injury your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt true faith in you.
Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
O Master grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life.